I got to break bad news to two dads today: their sons names were going in the paper, and they aren’t going to look too good afterward.

One got hit in the head with a hatchet trying to retrieve a $5 hat. The other is accused of assaulting and robbing his girlfriend and assaulting two other people.

One son is 18, the other is 17. Both dads called today to see what they could do to smooth over what showed up in the paper. Neither man was pushy — they both were following their parental instincts, trying to protect their boys. And I had to tell them I understand the position they are in, but there isn’t much I can do.

In the hatchet incident, there were threats and racial slurs reportedly flying around, and the son and another man pulled into this guys driveway and pulled a knife. The man who’s house it was pulled out a hatchet, and someone got hurt. I asked the dad what he would do if someone was threatening him and then two men showed up at his house? Would he maybe grab a weapon? Yes, he conceded, he might have grabbed a hatchet.

From that point on things were destined to go downhill.

The other man wanted to make a point that his son wasn’t a bad guy. He offered to talk to me, but I told him since he wasn’t there he’d just be a character witness, and not a particularly convincing one since he is obviously biased. I told him I’d be happy to interview his son to get his side of things, but I couldn’t imagine his attorney would recommend it.

It was interesting to field both those calls today. Happy Father’s Day, I guess. Please don’t get arrested; you’re father will appreciate it.